Looking for love is one of the most fundamental drives in peoples lives. When one feels loved, it creates such a feeling of nourishment and aliveness. Life is rich, full, we have energy. This energy can go into passion and sexuality, into creativity, and also into softness and vulnerability, compassion. When one lacks the feeling of love, life becomes easily a heavy task to accomplish. And especially when a relationship is in crisis or ends, it happens so fast that one can fall into a deep hole.
This is why many people avoid love. When we open up, old wounds can get triggered. Wounds around abandonment in childhood or separation from the mother right after birth. These are moments where we have been completely vulnerable and dependent, and could not do anything about what was happening. The baby does need so much attention, care and love to come from outside. Old wounds of not feeling seen in ones individuality, or feeling ones borders not respected create filters through which we perceive the world-
Avoiding love and staying behind our protections shows basically one thing: That we do not trust love, that we do not trust our heart. We do not trust the capacity of our heart to transform pain. We are usually not aware of it, but it is as if on the inside we would have a mental age of a child or teenager. And we look at others from a perspective whether they are the right one for us or not.
And then unfortunately we end up in relationships where we do not live neither intimacy, nor our individuality and freedom. We are not completely alone, and at the same time we have a safety distance. But such relationships are not fulfilling, they are a strategical connection of avoiding too much aloneness and covering some basic needs of safety, company and sexuality. There are many difficult moments in life, moments of suffering, moments of loss. If we do not trust ourselves that we can cope with those experiences, we will start to expect or demand, that the close people around us should help us or solve it for us. This puts a big load on our relationships, and often alienation and conflicts are what is being created when we meet from this perspective.
When love is present, we are an adult in our relationships. We are full, and we can and want to share this quality with others. We start to experience love as a presence, a certain vibration, that gives life momentum and movement. And what maybe is the biggest gift of it, we start to perceive that love is not dependent on being with somebody, or doing something with somebody. Love can be present when we are completely alone.
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