Relationships are an eternal theme for us. Many people come to groups and trainings because of issues concerning love, sexuality, freedom, individuality, respect. It is an art, to bring together passion, wildness, and freedom on one side, and respect, vulnerability and commitment on the other side. It takes clarity about oneself, contact with one’s own energies, willingness to feel ones old wounds, willingness to meet and be open.
Some people take togetherness as the essence of relating, and take an unconscious attitude against aloneness as bad, threatening to the relationship, or having a meaning that something is wrong with me. Some people take relationship as a limitation, a threat to freedom and as a compromise from the very beginning. When we carry these attitudes into our relationships, instead of love we create unconscious power struggles, that will suck our energy, exhaust our mind, and wound our heart.
Many people have inner conflicts between togetherness and aloneness. The roots of these conflicts often reach back to early childhood, when our needs for mirroring of love and merging on one side, and mirroring for strength and freedom on the other side were not met.
If we choose one as better than the other (it doesn’t matter which), we disrupt the flow that creates the balance between the two. It is a big liberation when we grasp that alone and together are lovers. Aloneness gives communion with the Whole. Togetherness gives communion with someone you love. Your nature embraces both. And both provide a path to essential wisdom.
As we often do not know how to live this flow in our lives, we make compromises. They usually involve some kind of power struggles, perceptions of winning or losing, and create resentments in the long run. Finding the flow of the right balance (Buddha talked so much about “The Middle Way”) means learning how to navigate opposing polarities, on the inside and on the outside, so both partners feel they are contributing to the creation of a happy and satisfying relationship.
And there is one more thing which we usually do not see. And this is the value of friction and tension. Unconsciously we often say harmony is good, friction is bad. The reality is, that we can’t even pick up a fork or a spoon without tension in the muscles. This tension is what makes us capable of moving on, it shows us what we need to look at, what to take care for, so that the flow continues.
There is an organic unity between any two polar opposite pulls and in this organic unity, our twoness rests as One—right here and right now. If we lean to one side, neither side can give us what it could give us.
This relationship special gives you clarity about where you get hooked, where you give away your dignity, your power, and makes you see the causes for this in your life. And you get the keys, which open the doors for you how to cope with those situations and issues in a way, where you keep your dignity and power.
And this is the structure of this “Relationship Special 2019:”
We will have two five day groups focussing on this theme, the second building up on the first one.
Here is a little exercise, which can help especially in context of relationships.