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book (18.-23.4.)

This is a training for people who already work with people. As therapists, coaches, social workers or as doctors, nurses and team leaders etc.

Conflicts often develop a momentum of their own, and unfortunately easily escalate. Friends become enemies, relationships break up, former business partners try to destroy each other. These conflicts often end with destruction of some kind, and both sides lose.

If we want to be able to work with those situations, we need some understanding of the mechanisms, which contribute to the escalation. And we need a map, and means, how to give the conflict a new direction.

One of the biggest sources for escalation is a perceived threat for life important aspects on the side of one person first. This perceived threat makes the person try to control, overpower, or even eliminate and destroy the other side. And then this other side perceives a threat, and reacts on the same level. More perceived threat leads to harder action, bigger aggression, till it becomes a fight for life and death. Once it has reached there, it gets very difficult to step back and find a solution which will not be destructive, because stepping back means losing and becoming vulnerable.

When we look at threats or perceived threats from a different perspective, we can detect the values which hide behind the feelings of threat. Becoming aware, acknowledging and communicating one s own values, and noticing the values of the other open the door to create a safe and eventually respectful attitude. There might be a difference still, but the escalation spiral is stopped. And communication is again possible.

Another important factor here is nonverbal communication, which makes 95% of the meaning of communication. Helping people to become aware of the nonverbal messages they give to others, and becoming aware of the meaning which we attach to the communication of the other can be an essential aspect in such moments.

You learn the steps how to stop escalation patterns and help people to feel safe again, so that they can communicate about the factual aspects of the conflict without creating more escalation in an environment where they can feel safe.