Lead by Bhagat

Essence of relationship.


When we are born, we are pure essence, pure manifestations of the Absolute, of Oneness. The newly born baby is one with life, in contact with essence, but it needs the parents to mirror this essence back to the child. Only then essence becomes a conscious part of the childs structure and identity. As most parents are not providing this mirroring enough, the child gradually loses contact with essence and forgets essence. Something that was supposed to be there is missing, and what is left behind are literally holes in the child´s being. This is very unpleasant and painful, so we try to fill these holes, or avoid them as good as we can. We develop substitutes to calm ourselves or to make others give us love, support and direction that we are missing inside. Much of what we do in our adult life comes from the unconscious desire to fill or forget these holes. This is where relationship patterns like being dependent or being anti dependent arise.

Naturally we look for filling our holes in our relationships, especially love relationships. We expect our partners to give us the merging love, the strength, the joy, the peace, and the direction which we are missing. Underneath the holes around the lack of merging (from birth till 1 year), and the hole around strength (from 1 year onward) hide. Merging and strength are aspects of essence that determine very much our ability to live love, intimacy, passion, and freedom. Our efforts to fill the holes around merging and strength inevitably create conflicts and problems in our relationships. And these issues cannot be solved in the relationship. The only way to solve these issues is to nourish our contact with essence, so that the mechanism of filling our holes does not poison our relationships.

And then there are the basic survival instincts, and the social survival patterns, which form our superego. The superego, or inner critic as we call it also, directs us constantly by evaluations, comparisons, and judgments. Surviving as an individual, which means having food, shelter, safety and company, and as a species, which means reproduction, sexuality. And our inner critic attacks us or our partner when we go against what it perceives as appropriate or necessary for survival. But as long as survival structures dominate our life and relationships, definitely there will not be any space for essence, and guidance from the heart for our life.

The essence of relationship gives you clarity about where you get hooked, where you give away your dignity, your power, and makes you see the causes for this in your life.

And it gives you the keys, which will show you how to cope with those situations and issues in a way, where you keep your dignity and power.

This group shows you, how after losing contact with essence we relate in patterns of dependency and antidependency, perpetuating an eternal struggle, where we are running after or away from something. Understanding these patterns and feeling the underlying pain becomes the threshold to being in contact with essence again. When this happens, an emperor meets an empress. Relating then becomes sharing instead of needing.

Relationship Special - Together and Alone

Here is a little exercise, which can help especially in context of relationships.

Be a Light unto Yourself.